Archive for sexual abuse

Trauma Touch Therapy™

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Shea Atkin

DEFINITION:

Trauma Touch Therapy™ is an advanced therapeutic certification program for those already proficient in bodywork.  The program consists of 100 hours of training: Level I, 50 hours in integrative techniques and fundamentals, a Level II 50 hour Externship.  Many TTT™ students enroll in this training to come to a sense of completion with their own healing process; thus recycling their trauma, turning the disadvantage of their pasts into something of value.  TTT™ training is an intense healing process in itself, requiring students to deepen, within themselves, their sense of authenticity and integrity.

Trauma Touch Therapy™ is a bodywork modality designed to meet the needs of clients with trauma or abuse histories.  This innovative work enables the client to discover the gift within the wound.  Trauma Touch Therapists™ encourage client empowerment and choice, which aids the client in accessing their somatic issues in a safe, nuturing environment.  The work is done on a very individual basis and almost always interfaces with the psychotherapeutic process.  Client traumas include: physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, sexual abuse, holocaust/post-war traumas, environmental traumas, surgery trauma, PTSD, auto accidents, physical injury and childhood traumas.

This program is approved and regulated by the Colorado School of Higher Education, Division of Private Occupational Schools.  Trauma Touch Therapy™ is owned and operated by the Colorado School of Healing Arts. Trauma Touch Therapy™ was developed under the direction of Chris Smith and is offered solely by the school.  All rights reserved.

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Fairytale?

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2011 by Shea Atkin

I participated in a yoga workshop with my dear friend a few months ago.  We started out with yoga, followed by a guided meditation and ended with a journal entry focused on a certain thought.  Below, I will write the thought and my journal entry about the thought:

*Don’t believe the fairytale you have created through your body.*

At a loss for word is not usually where I find myself.  This can be taken in many different ways.  Right now, my fairytale is just that–a fairytale.  Unattainable, ficticious, Pollyanna bullshit.  I never try because I don’t really believe that it is possible.  That I don’t really deserve the fairytale…I’m not good enough to wear the pretty dress and win the heart of the adoring prince.  I’m the cinderella in this distance, just dreaming–but not accepting the fairytale as potential reality.  Left with scars and memories–a window to watch the world live as I stay confined in my own little prison that I made with my own hands.  Waiting for the key to unlock and be set free, but it is already in my hand. All that needs to happen is making the decision of freedom or slavery.  No one can choose it but me.

I wear the rags as a constant reminder of the resentment against self. The riches are there, but not available until the relentless torture of self is over.  Laziness encompasses all to the point where I would like the best, but I’ll settle for the worst–because it is easy.

Sinking into nausea to escape the self absorption.  Anything to take my mind off of self. The creature that holds my thoughts captive is a reflection of self that materializes so I can embrace and accept what lies beneath the surface.

Morbidity eminent and welcomed at times to take me away from the gift of the present. Escaping the surrender that serenity has freely offered. Choosing death over life, repeatedly.

Succumbing to the lie. Evolving farther away from the truth. Trying to embrace reality on life’s terms instead of my own agenda.

Resonating from within, the sound I have been searching for has been there all along.

Starting Over

Posted in Past with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 19, 2010 by Shea Atkin

The day I stop “starting over” is the day that I give up.

This was written a few years ago in the middle of abuse counseling.

I never want to forget the authenticity that came out of that experience.

I’m so thankful for where I am now–even though times are still tough.

I will always remember the work it took (and will always take)–to be alive.

“I find myself taking in a huge amount of information but coupled with the knowledge that it means nothing unless I put it into practice.

I’m contemplating psychological explanations and the actual correlation between real life and feelings from the heart.  Let me explain.  In the words of Eugene Peterson:

“Wisdom is the art of living skillfully in whatever actual conditions we find ourselves.”

I have been pondering that quote all day.  Over the past couple of years I have taken life to the very core of my being and found some pretty messy and dirty things.  I am a rape survivor, so I have a lot of counseling that I have been through and worked out scenarios in my head and on paper a million times.  I keep coming back to one reality that is ringing true for me time and time again and it is this:  I cannot and will not continue to be a product of learned behavior.

For a while I tried to find who to blame, took it out on people who didn’t deserve it and let others slide for offenses they should have been called out on.  We all have screwed up pasts, baggage and families.  But I refuse to let my actions continue to negatively affect myself or those around me.  I refuse to let my past and lack of being able to let go of certain things affect my life now.  Situations don’t even matter to me anymore. Behavior is a matter of what comes out of the heart and if I never get real about that, then what am I doing?  I choose to work on the hard stuff.  I choose to deal with the stuff I don’t want to look at so I can come out of denial.  I am ready for the pain of that choice.  Because for me, the only way to heal is facing it, dealing with it head on, and letting it go.

I choose to stop complaining about my day to day life and start realizing to be patient with myself in the process.  Most of the time if I am stressed about learning something, I shut down and miss the point completely.  I am going to break that habit.  I learn the best through experience and that is something that can’t be forced so therefore, I shall relax.

I want to be truly at peace.  That means that I have to allow myself to feel.  Yes, I said feel.  I have never truly done that “heart work”.  I mean, yeah, everyone feels but it is usually as a reaction to something someone did to them.  I want to be able to recognize my feeling as Sadness, Anger, Fear or Anxiety. You have no idea how hard that is for me to differentiate.  Something so simple, to me is so complex.  I am taking it back to the basics.  Along the way, that got tainted for me.  There I go into the learned behavior.  I choose to do something about it now, so it doesnt mess up the rest of my life and the people in it.

So , that is my soapbox for tonight.  I am balancing psychology with the human heart and I am really liking the results.  Like I said earlier, knowledge is nothing unless we put it into practice in our daily lives.” Shea 2007

Forgiveness

Posted in Past with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Rape

Nov 15, 2002

“Raped my body

Mutilated my soul.

I fear not what you have done to me

But what I have done since you left

I am no longer scared of what I feared the most

It has already been done–

And only the invisible scars remain

Hollow feelings and vacant expressions are all I can offer

Who am I really?

22 years old and just now remembering my 16th year.

Proof is only visible when you choose to see it

Vicious flashbacks of a monster

Reminds me of why I was always scared of them

Torn clothes and flesh

Left only for me to retrieve in due time

Ripped emotions out of my body

Restored only with one hand on my stomach

I find myself in a peaceful place

Happy to be out of the Hell that I once was in

The comfort of not knowing would have been my ultimate demise

Sanity resides when denial is destroyed

Forgiving but not forgetting is my goal

Who can ever be free of pain?

We are all called to merely help those along the way

Our reward is ourselves being helped along with them

Rage has departed and compassion has entered

Understanding is what made that possible

I shall sleep soundly

Knowing that my faith will get me where I need to be.”

-Shea

Forgiveness can only exist if there is a reason for it.  For years, I tried to figure out why this happened to me.  The answer came in the form of forgiveness.

I have to wonder what must have happened to my attacker to make him commit such a vicious crime?  I pray for him and hope that he has found truth.

I would be trapped if I continually was victimized by this situation.

I have been able to share my story with so many troubled teens (and adults).

We all just want to know that we are not alone in our struggle.

Honestly, I don’t know if I would even go back and change it if I could.  I am so grateful for the people that God has brought into my life because of it.

The bigger crime would be if I let it dominate and run my life–so I choose forgiveness.