Archive for relationships

This is trust

Posted in Life, Past, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , on September 18, 2012 by Shea Atkin

That moment you can choose not to
But you do
The easier way would be to back out
But you don’t

You put yourself out there
Probably scared
But practice not contingent on the outcome

It builds
Little by little
By taking chances
Feeling the fear
And doing it anyway

By wanting something different
And risking loss
At all costs

Potentially facing
Abandonment
Heartbreak
Rejection
Punishment
Judgment

It’s that little voice inside
That yearns for something more
Than previous behavior allowed

It’s swallowing the pride
And disarming the ego
Simply because
It’s the right thing to do

It’s a shaky faith
In the midst of chaos
While knowing that

Practice

Is the only way

To strengthen

It’s that place that scares the hell out of you
While processing

And that place that you don’t yet trust
But you trust in the theory of trust
So you decide to give it a try

It’s all the things
That fear is not

And to the extent of risk
Is the capacity of
Joy
And
Sadness

All the while knowing
That if the full heart
Isn’t invested
Then what’s the point?

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Again.

Posted in Life, Past, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2011 by Shea Atkin

 

Futile attempts of control, result in prolonging the inevitable

Sinking into the reflection of that fine line between hope and reality

Unable to let go, until I do

 

Similar instances surface, just waiting for me to finally learn the lesson

Repeating the cycle

Continuously

Wondering why the result stays the same

 

Necessity is a tricky concept

Leaving much room for interpretation–

But checked with the right motives, the answer is undeniable

 

Truth is only visible when we choose to see it

 

Learning how to ask the right questions is sometimes harder than hearing the answer

Resonating deep within, it comes from a peaceful place

Amidst the chaos

The Source

Posted in Life, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , on June 18, 2011 by Shea Atkin

 

Floating down the river

Letting the ships pass by

Aware of them–

But life, not contingent on their existence

 

Absorbing energy from the source

The only place that really matters

External instances mean little in comparison to the purpose

 

A constant flow washes over the soul

Allowing cleansing to sweep away the debris that accumulated

 

Symbolic manifestations of tangible occurences

Leading the way for an openness only made possible through pain

And the act of walking through it

Completely

 

Unsure of where this stream will lead

But trusting the source that allows me to stay above the water

 

Holding Space

Posted in Life, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2011 by Shea Atkin

Corporately we are wired for community.  As we walk through hell, the tendency to dissociate is high.  Most of us don’t want advice.  We want someone to be present in our grief.  To validate what we are going through.  We are hard-wired for connection, but when something traumatic happens, our intellect (and culture) tells us to stuff it and not deal with the pain.  Biologically speaking–if we are able to discharge the nervous system–the symptoms lose power.  We won’t be “stuck”.  The Animal Kingdom is a prime example.  They don’t have the cultural stigma attached to processing pain.  They just discharge instinctually.

As our anxiety increases, our functioning goes down.  Thus, affecting everyone as a whole.  It’s not just the individual that suffers, it’s everyone around the individual.  We are all connected.  If we could just allow the Reptilian (Instinctual) side of the brain do it’s job–a new sense of freedom will inevitably occur.  We will have the freedom to just “be”.  Along with freedom comes a price–the dropping of symptoms.  Some of us like to hold onto our old patterns, because we wear them as  a label–because it is comfortable.  The cost of freedom, is freedom itself.

Willingness is the key to any kind of change.  Until this occurs internally, transformation cannot occur.  With no judgement, and no expectation–we can “be” present with an individual and allow them the space to heal safely.  To give a voice to the silenced and alone–and to walk through this world, together as one.

Cumulative Integration

Posted in Life, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2011 by Shea Atkin

This poem was written for my Trauma Touch Therapy classmates.  Words cannot really do justice to what we experienced–but this is about as close as I can get to sharing my soul.  TTT, 2011–this one is for you.

 

Sifting through sensations to find the root that was cut off by the mind

Corporately holding space until freedom decides to surface through choice

 

Alive for the first time since the death

The core breathing in the air of acceptance

Sensing the truth which was hidden by a lie

Loving as a verb–using the definition accurately

 

Forever joined by the experience of breaking free

United as a whole–wholly

Giving ourselves permission to live–for the intended purpose we were created

 

Coming home for the first time–

And will stay here for eternity

as ONE.

Grounded Angel

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2011 by Shea Atkin

First off, I want to give a special shoutout to one of my best friends.  http://groundedangel.wordpress.com . Check out her blog, she is AMAZING and a constant source of inspiration for me.  This blog is dedicated to her.

I feel most grounded when I am in the dirt, or in the clouds.  Most of the time I don’t even realized how grounded I am NOT until I experience a renewal of grounding.

Lately I have been feeling kind of lost, because I have gotten away from the daily things that make me, ‘me’.  Being a creation of my Father, I have to be in tune with what His purpose for my life is.  Thankfully, I am not as hard on myself as I used to be.  I can’t tell you how many times I would beat myself up over trivial matters–and in turn, my whole day (or week) would be ruined.  Now, I can take it one day (or one minute) at a time and be perfectly fine with it.  It’s about progress rather than perfection.

Today I went to my friends garden to pull weeds, plant squash and water the produce.  I didn’t realize how much went into creating food until I became a part of the organic solution.  Afterwards, we went to a cute little French bistro and talked about life.  I had THE most amazing time with my friend.  When I came home and put my son down for his nap, I jumped online to catch up with groundedangel’s blog and felt so connected in the process.  I swear, God made this day especially for me.

I’m so grateful for the friends that have been put in my life.  I can’t imagine what life would be without the ones that keep me grounded.  I remember a time, not so long ago, when I felt isolated, alone and misunderstood.  All that changed was my perspective and the desire to not feel that way anymore.  It was time to let go of the old record that played nothing but negativity and say hello to a new way of life that took a little work and a lot of nurturing.  Sure, vulnerability was side effect, but LIFE was the outcome.  Today I live and love and breathe.  I don’t ever want to go back to the way I was before, but I will always remember it, to appreciate where I am today.

Groundedangel and all of my other loves, you are the reason I am who I am.  Keep on ‘being you’.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Peace and Love, ,my dear friends.

Feelings are not Facts

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2011 by Shea Atkin

Sometimes I forget this.

How easy it is for me to get caught up in the day-to-day routine, only to find myself flailing in insecurity.  When I get ‘too busy’, I tend to slack on the things that keep me sane.  It’s the overlooked and unprioritized things when I default to survival mode–for example– prayer, meditation and being present.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been here.  Only upon taking inventory of why I am feeling this chaos, do I find that the answer is quite simple.  I stopped doing the things to maintain my spiritual condition.  It doesn’t matter how much I accomplished in the past.  All that matters is what I presently do.

Holding onto the notion that I have done my fair share will inevitably lead me back to complacency, which is my own personal Hell.

And I enjoy being in the moment so much!  Once I am here, I am home.  I feel comfortable in my own skip, I stop worrying about what people think of me, I really live–instead of just talking about it.

It is so easy for me to slip into having the day take control of me.  Once I pause and remember what is truly important–I slow down, take a few breaths and get primal–spiritually primal.

Making a conscious decision that I will not settle for a counterfeit version of life.  I want the real thing.

My feelings will always lead me astray–true purpose takes determination.

My feelings will always give me an excuse to not move forward.

My feelings will keep me feeling inferior, and will eat me alive.

Thank God my feelings are not facts.