Archive for enlightenment

Again.

Posted in Life, Past, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2011 by Shea Atkin

 

Futile attempts of control, result in prolonging the inevitable

Sinking into the reflection of that fine line between hope and reality

Unable to let go, until I do

 

Similar instances surface, just waiting for me to finally learn the lesson

Repeating the cycle

Continuously

Wondering why the result stays the same

 

Necessity is a tricky concept

Leaving much room for interpretation–

But checked with the right motives, the answer is undeniable

 

Truth is only visible when we choose to see it

 

Learning how to ask the right questions is sometimes harder than hearing the answer

Resonating deep within, it comes from a peaceful place

Amidst the chaos

Cumulative Integration

Posted in Life, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2011 by Shea Atkin

This poem was written for my Trauma Touch Therapy classmates.  Words cannot really do justice to what we experienced–but this is about as close as I can get to sharing my soul.  TTT, 2011–this one is for you.

 

Sifting through sensations to find the root that was cut off by the mind

Corporately holding space until freedom decides to surface through choice

 

Alive for the first time since the death

The core breathing in the air of acceptance

Sensing the truth which was hidden by a lie

Loving as a verb–using the definition accurately

 

Forever joined by the experience of breaking free

United as a whole–wholly

Giving ourselves permission to live–for the intended purpose we were created

 

Coming home for the first time–

And will stay here for eternity

as ONE.

Grounded Angel

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2011 by Shea Atkin

First off, I want to give a special shoutout to one of my best friends.  http://groundedangel.wordpress.com . Check out her blog, she is AMAZING and a constant source of inspiration for me.  This blog is dedicated to her.

I feel most grounded when I am in the dirt, or in the clouds.  Most of the time I don’t even realized how grounded I am NOT until I experience a renewal of grounding.

Lately I have been feeling kind of lost, because I have gotten away from the daily things that make me, ‘me’.  Being a creation of my Father, I have to be in tune with what His purpose for my life is.  Thankfully, I am not as hard on myself as I used to be.  I can’t tell you how many times I would beat myself up over trivial matters–and in turn, my whole day (or week) would be ruined.  Now, I can take it one day (or one minute) at a time and be perfectly fine with it.  It’s about progress rather than perfection.

Today I went to my friends garden to pull weeds, plant squash and water the produce.  I didn’t realize how much went into creating food until I became a part of the organic solution.  Afterwards, we went to a cute little French bistro and talked about life.  I had THE most amazing time with my friend.  When I came home and put my son down for his nap, I jumped online to catch up with groundedangel’s blog and felt so connected in the process.  I swear, God made this day especially for me.

I’m so grateful for the friends that have been put in my life.  I can’t imagine what life would be without the ones that keep me grounded.  I remember a time, not so long ago, when I felt isolated, alone and misunderstood.  All that changed was my perspective and the desire to not feel that way anymore.  It was time to let go of the old record that played nothing but negativity and say hello to a new way of life that took a little work and a lot of nurturing.  Sure, vulnerability was side effect, but LIFE was the outcome.  Today I live and love and breathe.  I don’t ever want to go back to the way I was before, but I will always remember it, to appreciate where I am today.

Groundedangel and all of my other loves, you are the reason I am who I am.  Keep on ‘being you’.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Peace and Love, ,my dear friends.

Completely Different But Exactly The Same

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2011 by Shea Atkin

Sometimes I experience the same feeling but on opposite ends of the spectrum.  It kind of goes along with the continuum theory that I believe in.  Most of the time I notice it when trying to work on a “core issue”.  Feelings arise and I have to trace back to the origination.  I find that a lot of the time, my maturity was stunted at an early age.  Not intellectually, but emotionally.  Going back and righting some of the “wrongs” that I did feels very juvenile–because it is.  It’s stuff that could have been addressed 15 years back, but never was.  Until now.

Usually I have no trouble writing what is on my mind (or heart), but this is tricky.  It hits a certain area that has been lying dormant for quite sometime.  Not addressing it has caused not only a dichotomy, but an internal war within.  Ever reminding me that nothing is ever solved by avoidance.  It only prolongs the inevitable–dealing.  It feels jumbled and messy, but I know that I have to walk through it to gain anything positive.

I used to act as if nothing was wrong….Like, if I didn’t talk about it–it wasn’t real.  Now I realize that if I talk to God or a trustworthy friend, I can be totally honest about where I am presently at.  This usually entails talking about the huge metaphorical elephant in the room.  At first, this felt completely foreign and out of character.  But the more I practice this “bearing of the soul”, the more freedom I feel and the more authentic I am.  Things that I was not able to access a few months ago are coming to the surface.  On the continuum theory, this is progress.  I’m either moving forward or moving back.  Being stagnant is not an option.

When you break it down, we all have the same core issues.  They might manifest completely different–but they are exactly the same.  Basically we are all searching for the same thing.  People that I thought I could never relate to, are actually extremely similar souls.  Yesterday I heard someone say: “We all seem to suffer from terminal uniqueness.” So true!  If I continue to see myself completely different from the rest of the Universe, I will never work on the areas that we all have in common and help each other with.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that everyone is created unique and different with a distinct purpose.  What I am referring to is the notion that “nobody can relate to me…..oh poor me–I’m all alone in the big bad world that has wronged me” type of stuff.

Soapbox done.  It’s much more scattered than normal, but unedited for a reason.  It needs to get out this way sometimes.  Rigorous Honesty.  Moving Forward. Becoming Whole.

Beginning of the End

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 8, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Discovery when the time has come

To be present–even when forced

Conjuring creativity while channeling authenticity

Alive when recalling the past

Even though it was dead at the time

Or maybe it was just benign

Inclusion of the whole with an abstract approach

Sacrificing self to foster life

Increments of thorough fabrication, personified through experience–

Melded together to produce artistic expression

Hoping for acceptance

But the strength to withstand the opposite

Consistence of constant and conscious awareness–

While vulnerability seeps through

Selfless objectivity being the reward of a life lived in the light

Invited in as a welcomed guest

Appreciative for the gift of opportunity

Humbled by vanity

Longing for what was once rejected

Cyclical balance of compromising solitude

Reciprocation of energy from the very last of choices

Circling back to the origin of the beginning

It’s okay to feel good.

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Today has been incredibly needed.

I woke up with the intention of being fully present–so I was (and am).

My husband and I took our 2 year old son to the plantation that we were married.  What a different appreciation and perspective that was!  6 years ago, we were looking for perfect photo opportunities–this time, we had a camera, but it was all about the moment.  Ollie was running free, so uninhibited and happy.  He had his parents at a safe enough distance that he felt independent–yet engaged in the roaming and adventuring.  Matt and I were reminiscing about how it looked with all of our decorations years ago, and how it looks now.  The cell phones were off–the outside world was at a distance–it was just the 3 of us, in our own little world.  We were out there for roughly an hour, but it felt like we were lost in time.  Nothing else mattered except for the time were were spending together, being present. Even though it was only 60 minutes (give or take), the quality of that time far surpassed the hours of time spent being somewhere else mentally even though we could all be sitting in the same room together.

Quality time feels good to the soul.  It is what was intended before technology came to town.  It’s all about relearning the basics.  I get so lost in trying to keep up with culture, I forget that what I have is truly what I want.  I have a husband and son who love me, friends that are there for me in good times and bad, a roof over my head, a job that I love and a city that makes me feel at home.  The list could go on and on of things I am grateful for.

Being “actively present” does not come naturally to me.  It’s something that I have to work at.  My mind defaults to working on the past or the future, and the present disappears from the radar.  I learned today, that by being present–sometimes those things naturally clear by themselves.

I will continue the day by nourishing my soul.  Doing things that made me feel good.  Cultivating relationships, being nice, being present.  Not thinking anyone expects anything from me.   It is very empowering.  I feel loved, worthy and fortunate (not something that I normally feel)–so I will continue to savor every second of it.

Pathway to Enlightenment

Posted in Past with tags , , , , on October 12, 2010 by Shea Atkin

“Give me something to hold onto

Like what I already have

But am too stubborn to realize

Why can’t I have it all figured out?

Every time I think I have a clue

I find out that I have taken two steps back

It is a vicious cycle

Day in and day out

Sleeping becomes tiring

Work seems to be a luxury

I need something tangible

Physical love is temporary

Emotional love, the same

Spiritual love does not die

And I pursue it the least

Makes no sense at all

We are stupid humans

Aren’t we?” – Shea 2002