Archive for Trust

God’s Will?

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , on November 15, 2012 by Shea Atkin

Many times it doesn’t look like I think it should.
It conflicts with my opinion of how things should be or how people should act.
But who am I to determine whether something is or isn’t God’s will?

Every morning I wake up and turn my will over to God. Since I’ve been doing this, things haven’t been pretty. It shows me how long I have been operating out of my own will. A lot of times, God’s will and my will collide. So I pray that he aligns my will with his. That is when balance and serenity arrive. Things don’t necessarily go my way, but I get to practice.

It’s elusive and always contingent on timing.
There is no formula.
What’s right for me might not be right for you.
We all have to experience our own powerlessness before we truly turn our will over to a Higher Power.

God’s will for your life or anybody elses? Who knows? I can barely figure it out for myself. So when I find myself judging others and thinking I know what’s best for their lives (or the world and everybody in it), that’s when I’m playing God. So I get to practice being aware that I did it–and then turn the perceived power I think I have over to the Creator of The Universe. I’m pretty sure he can handle it.

But…

When it comes to the little day to day decisions, how quickly I forget that. I make decisions based on opinion, mood or ego without pausing to check my motives or ask God what he wants me to do.

My days look different when I turn my will over. I often do things against my will and the outcome is better that I expected. A lot of times it is painful and I don’t want to do certain things. That’s when I remind myself that his grace is sufficient for whatever situation he brings me to.

It’s messy and I feel like I screw up more than I succeed, but it’s from an honest place.
Finally.
And I get the privilege of becoming more aware, as long as I am willing to be.

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This is trust

Posted in Life, Past, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , on September 18, 2012 by Shea Atkin

That moment you can choose not to
But you do
The easier way would be to back out
But you don’t

You put yourself out there
Probably scared
But practice not contingent on the outcome

It builds
Little by little
By taking chances
Feeling the fear
And doing it anyway

By wanting something different
And risking loss
At all costs

Potentially facing
Abandonment
Heartbreak
Rejection
Punishment
Judgment

It’s that little voice inside
That yearns for something more
Than previous behavior allowed

It’s swallowing the pride
And disarming the ego
Simply because
It’s the right thing to do

It’s a shaky faith
In the midst of chaos
While knowing that

Practice

Is the only way

To strengthen

It’s that place that scares the hell out of you
While processing

And that place that you don’t yet trust
But you trust in the theory of trust
So you decide to give it a try

It’s all the things
That fear is not

And to the extent of risk
Is the capacity of
Joy
And
Sadness

All the while knowing
That if the full heart
Isn’t invested
Then what’s the point?