Archive for light

Cumulative Integration

Posted in Life, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2011 by Shea Atkin

This poem was written for my Trauma Touch Therapy classmates.  Words cannot really do justice to what we experienced–but this is about as close as I can get to sharing my soul.  TTT, 2011–this one is for you.

 

Sifting through sensations to find the root that was cut off by the mind

Corporately holding space until freedom decides to surface through choice

 

Alive for the first time since the death

The core breathing in the air of acceptance

Sensing the truth which was hidden by a lie

Loving as a verb–using the definition accurately

 

Forever joined by the experience of breaking free

United as a whole–wholly

Giving ourselves permission to live–for the intended purpose we were created

 

Coming home for the first time–

And will stay here for eternity

as ONE.

Beauty from Ashes

Posted in Life, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Entertaining the notion of trust–

I step out into the unknown to find the freedom that was hidden by my own will

Understanding the simplicity of faith in love

Gives me the permission to let go of preconceived assumptions–

And live as though it is my first day of this planet

My spirit knows otherwise

It has been around for quite sometime

My body is trying to catch on

Muscle memory is there

I just have to choose to allow the change

My soul is the organizer that ties all of the essential elements together

Without it, I would accomplish nothing

It keeps me interested far beyond human comprehension

And creates something beautiful from absolutely nothing

Breathing in, I find contentment in the pause

Thankful for the fact that I can

I concentrate on this day–

And only this day

Tomorrow is a whole other story

Letting go, I find the capacity to dream bigger

Along with the possibility to do so

Imagining the courage it takes to affect change

To be the change

To want to be the change

Digging down deep for the hidden potential that needs a little irritation to show itself

It lies dormant until pushed in just the right way

Subconscious categories form to create a complex agenda

Though only possible when the time is right

Trust in the process

Whatever that may be

Happy that I am here

With you

Untitled

Posted in Life, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Taking myself out of the equation grants permission to exude compassion

 

Remnants of granules taken off the shelf to encourage healing

Philosophical debates softened by a wounded , yet educated heart

Piecing together the reason through surrender,

I cling to the knowledge that was derived from the experienced

 

Not tangled up in opinion

Submitting to the power that is greater than my feelings

Uninhibited by relative pursuers, I can be me

Recoiling from the torture that was at one time a daily occurence

 

Synonymous with elation–

But balanced with a steady wisdom from a trusted source

The gift of simplicity is gently restored

 

Flashback to the slavery of self

Conceptualization of insanity

 

Being fragile isn’t such a bad thing–

When I allow a shift in perspective

Shallow just means it is finally coming to the surface…

 

I allow my foundation to change slowly–

And without force–

To produce a faith that is not easily swayed by negativity

 

Collections of truth to diminish fear–

Yet only possible through active participation

I sway back towards the darkness to convince myself of why I chose another road

It creates an instant reminder of the root of my decision

 

Regaining strength from the process of perceived failure

Thankful for the permission to make mistakes.

Beginning of the End

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 8, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Discovery when the time has come

To be present–even when forced

Conjuring creativity while channeling authenticity

Alive when recalling the past

Even though it was dead at the time

Or maybe it was just benign

Inclusion of the whole with an abstract approach

Sacrificing self to foster life

Increments of thorough fabrication, personified through experience–

Melded together to produce artistic expression

Hoping for acceptance

But the strength to withstand the opposite

Consistence of constant and conscious awareness–

While vulnerability seeps through

Selfless objectivity being the reward of a life lived in the light

Invited in as a welcomed guest

Appreciative for the gift of opportunity

Humbled by vanity

Longing for what was once rejected

Cyclical balance of compromising solitude

Reciprocation of energy from the very last of choices

Circling back to the origin of the beginning

Infinite Inspiration

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , on December 5, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Back towards the sun

Searching for the key that fits

Already in hand

But not ready for use

 

Allowing the vastness to speak loud and clear

With a faint whisper

 

In awe of the brilliance ahead, and within arms reach

Selective charisma untainted by noise

Profoundness simplified

 

Energy ignited by subtleties

Impressive expansion untouched by the masses

Breathing in air that has already been created

Although enjoying it for the first time

 

Beauty revealed in raw form–entrenched in the surreal quietness

Almost deafening to a cluttered soul

Holiness reinvented to the intended form

Acceptance of the natural state of creation

 

Living momentarily in eternity

On the boundary between past and future

Just being

It’s okay to feel good.

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Today has been incredibly needed.

I woke up with the intention of being fully present–so I was (and am).

My husband and I took our 2 year old son to the plantation that we were married.  What a different appreciation and perspective that was!  6 years ago, we were looking for perfect photo opportunities–this time, we had a camera, but it was all about the moment.  Ollie was running free, so uninhibited and happy.  He had his parents at a safe enough distance that he felt independent–yet engaged in the roaming and adventuring.  Matt and I were reminiscing about how it looked with all of our decorations years ago, and how it looks now.  The cell phones were off–the outside world was at a distance–it was just the 3 of us, in our own little world.  We were out there for roughly an hour, but it felt like we were lost in time.  Nothing else mattered except for the time were were spending together, being present. Even though it was only 60 minutes (give or take), the quality of that time far surpassed the hours of time spent being somewhere else mentally even though we could all be sitting in the same room together.

Quality time feels good to the soul.  It is what was intended before technology came to town.  It’s all about relearning the basics.  I get so lost in trying to keep up with culture, I forget that what I have is truly what I want.  I have a husband and son who love me, friends that are there for me in good times and bad, a roof over my head, a job that I love and a city that makes me feel at home.  The list could go on and on of things I am grateful for.

Being “actively present” does not come naturally to me.  It’s something that I have to work at.  My mind defaults to working on the past or the future, and the present disappears from the radar.  I learned today, that by being present–sometimes those things naturally clear by themselves.

I will continue the day by nourishing my soul.  Doing things that made me feel good.  Cultivating relationships, being nice, being present.  Not thinking anyone expects anything from me.   It is very empowering.  I feel loved, worthy and fortunate (not something that I normally feel)–so I will continue to savor every second of it.

The Dark Days

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , on October 10, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Seeing the content that I have currently posted to this new blog site makes me want to explain a few things.

I am very much aware of the fact that much of my past is very much a “morbid reflection”.

But, I have come to the conclusion that the light I experience now, is in direct relation to the darkness I went through in the past.

I was trapped in a world of illusions.

I hid my true despair and heart from my church friends–

and at the same time, I hid my faith from my agnostic and atheist friends.

Keeping up the lie that I could mix with everybody without causing controversy–I forgot who I was as a creation.

I would role play and mimic understanding, without having the slightest clue of what I believed.

All the while, wondering why I felt so isolated and alone–

and why no one understood me?

How could they?

I was living the ultimate lie–

Living for approval.

Performance based,

Attention seeking,

Approval.

Presently, I choose to be fearless in my pursuit of truth (whatever that may be).

I might offend or inspire–

but either way, it is from the heart.

And that is all I choose to convey.

“The Dark Days” are the reason I am here today with the purpose I have.

I don’t forget them, but I definitely am not a victim of them either.

That darkness is the reason I know what light is.

And I am forever grateful for both.