Archive for Philosophy

Completely Different But Exactly The Same

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2011 by Shea Atkin

Sometimes I experience the same feeling but on opposite ends of the spectrum.  It kind of goes along with the continuum theory that I believe in.  Most of the time I notice it when trying to work on a “core issue”.  Feelings arise and I have to trace back to the origination.  I find that a lot of the time, my maturity was stunted at an early age.  Not intellectually, but emotionally.  Going back and righting some of the “wrongs” that I did feels very juvenile–because it is.  It’s stuff that could have been addressed 15 years back, but never was.  Until now.

Usually I have no trouble writing what is on my mind (or heart), but this is tricky.  It hits a certain area that has been lying dormant for quite sometime.  Not addressing it has caused not only a dichotomy, but an internal war within.  Ever reminding me that nothing is ever solved by avoidance.  It only prolongs the inevitable–dealing.  It feels jumbled and messy, but I know that I have to walk through it to gain anything positive.

I used to act as if nothing was wrong….Like, if I didn’t talk about it–it wasn’t real.  Now I realize that if I talk to God or a trustworthy friend, I can be totally honest about where I am presently at.  This usually entails talking about the huge metaphorical elephant in the room.  At first, this felt completely foreign and out of character.  But the more I practice this “bearing of the soul”, the more freedom I feel and the more authentic I am.  Things that I was not able to access a few months ago are coming to the surface.  On the continuum theory, this is progress.  I’m either moving forward or moving back.  Being stagnant is not an option.

When you break it down, we all have the same core issues.  They might manifest completely different–but they are exactly the same.  Basically we are all searching for the same thing.  People that I thought I could never relate to, are actually extremely similar souls.  Yesterday I heard someone say: “We all seem to suffer from terminal uniqueness.” So true!  If I continue to see myself completely different from the rest of the Universe, I will never work on the areas that we all have in common and help each other with.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that everyone is created unique and different with a distinct purpose.  What I am referring to is the notion that “nobody can relate to me…..oh poor me–I’m all alone in the big bad world that has wronged me” type of stuff.

Soapbox done.  It’s much more scattered than normal, but unedited for a reason.  It needs to get out this way sometimes.  Rigorous Honesty.  Moving Forward. Becoming Whole.

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Jealousy

Posted in Life, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2010 by Shea Atkin

” A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” ~Robert A. Heinlein

“In jealousy there is more self-love than love.”  ~François, Duc de La RochefoucauldMaxims, 1665

“Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.”  ~Josh Billings

“Envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it.”  ~Honore de Balzac

Definition of Jealousy:

1. Jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself..
2. Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry,unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
3. Vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. ——- Dictionary.com
I’m guilty of it.  How bout you?
I find that when I feel that green dragon beast well up inside me, it has less to do with the person it is aimed at and more about the lack of security within myself.  It’s in the moments where I feel like I am cosmically owed something.  As if the Universe or God or whatever has slighted me…  Has forgotten about me….What else I could have done to make myself worthy of what I am envious of.  These are not the right thoughts to go to, but I am also human and probably a pretty naturally easy emotion to default to if I’m not spiritually in check.
Most of the time I don’t realize it until it has already had an affect.  By nature, I’m not necessarily what would be described as a “jealous person”, but I still have my moments.  Like, if someone possesses something that I wish I had by now.  Or if there is a certain quality that I admire in an individual.  Respect slowly turns to jealousy and the admiration sours to bitterness in a split second.  I’m learning to catch it quickly now so I can label the resentment and move on, but earlier–it would fester and I would feel a certain entitlement to be bitter about what I did not have.  Not cool.  Not cool at all!
The people that I look up to and admire have had their long, hard road and are benefitting from their past pain and living in the moment .  THAT is admirable.  They have had their share of heartache and don’t sit around, wallowing in self loathing and bitterness.  They picked themselves up and kept on walking.  They didn’t stay stagnant.  They persevered.  They didn’t take “no” for an answer.  They didn’t continue to live in the past.  And they definitely would not want anyone to be jealous of them!  Now, there are such unfortunate cases that have acquired a substantial amount of material possessions through wealth (and flaunt it shamelessly), but that is not the point of what I am writing about.   I am reminded of a verse in Proverbs 16:5  which states: “God can’t stomach arrogance or pretense; believe me, he’ll put those upstarts in their place.”
So, I guess what I am getting at is the root of jealousy is insecurity.  The only person that can choose to deal with the insecurity is me.  I must be the one to want to change.  It’s not everyone else that needs to change.  It’s me.  If I think that everyone else is the problem–chances are, I am the one with the problem!  I’ve seen it quite a bit in others recently and observed the detriment that comes along with the baggage.  It’s a terrible emotion to possess, but with any sort of pain, this can be good.  Pain exists to show that there is a problem.  If there were no inflammation (pain), I wouldn’t know that there was an issue.  So for the pain, I am thankful.  It shows me how to move forward and be happy for those around me who have already gone through this season of life.  I learn from them on a daily basis, and instead of being jealous of what they have–I am honored to be able to learn from their past mistakes and their present good fortune.

Beginning of the End

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 8, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Discovery when the time has come

To be present–even when forced

Conjuring creativity while channeling authenticity

Alive when recalling the past

Even though it was dead at the time

Or maybe it was just benign

Inclusion of the whole with an abstract approach

Sacrificing self to foster life

Increments of thorough fabrication, personified through experience–

Melded together to produce artistic expression

Hoping for acceptance

But the strength to withstand the opposite

Consistence of constant and conscious awareness–

While vulnerability seeps through

Selfless objectivity being the reward of a life lived in the light

Invited in as a welcomed guest

Appreciative for the gift of opportunity

Humbled by vanity

Longing for what was once rejected

Cyclical balance of compromising solitude

Reciprocation of energy from the very last of choices

Circling back to the origin of the beginning

The Wall

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Deconstructing figments of imagination

Impenetrable only due to faulty perception

 

Going back to the origin of establishment

Questioning the foundation

And the components used in making its existence

 

Natural elements

Beautifully flawed

All combined to create

The ultimate barrier of architectural perfection

 

Rooted in truth and lies

Flowing through the structure

To evoke

Ambivalence  and destruction–

All at the predetermined time

 

A sturdy integration

Of separate yet equal parts

Each vital for survival of the whole

 

Keeping out

What possibly should be invited in

 

Peaceful visualization

Of life without the need for protection

 

Climbing to the top

Only to find

There is a long fall down to the bottom

 

Scratching the surface

Chipping away pieces–

Little by little

To eventually get to the place

I’ve been searching for

For so long

Unblocked

Posted in Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2010 by Shea Atkin

“Numb to the point of acceptance,

As I breathe in the breath that has been predetermined –

I sit in the solidtude of myself –

Wondering if the answer will ever truly materialize.

Seeking completion to the puzzle with most of the pieces that have been lost.

I cry out with a whisper that has been muted by our surrounding culture,

Prohibiting life to be aware that the soul has been drained by oversaturation.

Vivid flashbacks of a life never experienced –

I find solace in something that I cannot describe.

Longing for a time of eternal peace although unable to offer the sacrifice of surrender –

I find myself – stuck.” -Shea 2010

My Labyrinth

Posted in Past with tags , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2010 by Shea Atkin

“Searching for the root–

brings up more dirt than expected.

The quest for completion always seems

To circle back to the origin-

Causing a distinct pardoxical dichotomy.

Referencing the past to fortell the future-

Leaves more questions than answers.

Intellect being separated from intuition,

Reflection enmeshed with regret–

Straining the Yin from Yang,

Only to discover-

The two cannot survive independently.

Freedom is a double-edged sword

Polar opposites could not be more alike.” Shea 2010

Profound Simplicity

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , on October 19, 2010 by Shea Atkin

“Brutal Honesty–

Primal Instinct–

Call it what you will

But all roads lead back to the basics.

Thinking of clever ways to rearrange the truth–

Shocked by the amount of content that can be made out of 26 letters.

Life and Death

And vice versa

All leading back to the origination–

Whatever that may be.

No manipulation.

No ulterior motives.

No judgement.

Enjoying the company of each other–

With no strings attached.

Simplicity seems so surreal.” -Shea 2010