Archive for simplicity

Again.

Posted in Life, Past, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2011 by Shea Atkin

 

Futile attempts of control, result in prolonging the inevitable

Sinking into the reflection of that fine line between hope and reality

Unable to let go, until I do

 

Similar instances surface, just waiting for me to finally learn the lesson

Repeating the cycle

Continuously

Wondering why the result stays the same

 

Necessity is a tricky concept

Leaving much room for interpretation–

But checked with the right motives, the answer is undeniable

 

Truth is only visible when we choose to see it

 

Learning how to ask the right questions is sometimes harder than hearing the answer

Resonating deep within, it comes from a peaceful place

Amidst the chaos

Constant Change

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2011 by Shea Atkin

If I look at the span of my 31 years, the only true constant has been change.  This is completely contradictory to my natural state.  I try to find normal, only to discover that most of the time it is synonymous with complacency.  There is a fine line between stagnant and serene. 

Through these past couple of months, life has been extremely unpredictable.  If growth comes ftom pain, I must be a giant.  What I have learned about pain most recently is that it exposes areas that I can improve in.  Not necessarily by overactivity, but by allowing the process to occur without interruption.  Just letting what is, to be.  While feeling that my world is falling apart, I have a peace that transcends my day to day “crazy”.  

My default behavior is to make myself really busy so I don’t have to think about what is really happening.  In turn, I become irritable.  To stop this cycle, I choose to stop what I am doing and just sit in silence while letting my thoughts go by without judgement.  Silence can be very uncomfortable.  It means I’m alone with myself.  Scary. But, the more I practice this, the less I fear. Confronting the fear, diminishes it.

Not knowing what the future holds scares the hell out of me.  I know I just have to trust that if I do what is in front of me (not referring to the past or trying to affect the future), everything will happen naturally, organically, as it should. Allowing life to happen on life’s terms.  Sounds great in theory.  Practice is a different story entirely.  I’m doing it though.  Every day. And every day I become more grateful to be allowed to live in the moment.

I’ll continue this journey into the unknown, sometimes kicking and screaming, and sometimes serene.  The longer I live, more is revealed.  And I feel more like myself with each passing day.

No Words

Posted in Life, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 20, 2011 by Shea Atkin

 

Recently, I have found myself here quite often. 

 It’s that point to where I am at the end of myself .  You know, that place where you are sick of talking about doing and actually start ‘doing’. Whatever that means in your life.

The less I say, the more I listen.  Paradoxically, the more I listen, the more I will eventually have to say when the timing is right.  I have done a lot of observing lately.  I am starting to recognize the traits in others that annoy me are usually the exact issues that I struggle with. As soon as I take a step back (from myself), I can usually see where my thinking was distorted.

At this place of no words, I can finally admit to myself that I don’t have all the answers.  There was an illusion of comfort when I asserted control (perceived or real), but ultimately brought nothing but burnout and despair.  I want to not want all of the answers.  It’s exhausting.

This realization makes me very thankful for simple things.  The things I was too busy to pay attention to before.  But this doesn’t mean that everything is feeling good.  Actually, quite the reverse.  I feel more vulnerable and sensitive than ever.  It’s in doing the things that make me extremely uncomfortable that I stumble upon the faith to grow.  It’s being open to the opportunity that I find the lesson.  It’s tough and messy and feels totally wrong, but I have a tiny grain of peace that gets me to the next thing.

In times like these, when I feel no desire to write, it’s probably because life is just a little too real. I’m glad that I decided to push past my feelings of being uncomforable to do what I truly love.  I’m myself when I put pen to paper.  It’s just bringing me back to the present, one day at a time.

Trauma Touch Therapy™

Posted in Life, Past, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Shea Atkin

DEFINITION:

Trauma Touch Therapy™ is an advanced therapeutic certification program for those already proficient in bodywork.  The program consists of 100 hours of training: Level I, 50 hours in integrative techniques and fundamentals, a Level II 50 hour Externship.  Many TTT™ students enroll in this training to come to a sense of completion with their own healing process; thus recycling their trauma, turning the disadvantage of their pasts into something of value.  TTT™ training is an intense healing process in itself, requiring students to deepen, within themselves, their sense of authenticity and integrity.

Trauma Touch Therapy™ is a bodywork modality designed to meet the needs of clients with trauma or abuse histories.  This innovative work enables the client to discover the gift within the wound.  Trauma Touch Therapists™ encourage client empowerment and choice, which aids the client in accessing their somatic issues in a safe, nuturing environment.  The work is done on a very individual basis and almost always interfaces with the psychotherapeutic process.  Client traumas include: physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, sexual abuse, holocaust/post-war traumas, environmental traumas, surgery trauma, PTSD, auto accidents, physical injury and childhood traumas.

This program is approved and regulated by the Colorado School of Higher Education, Division of Private Occupational Schools.  Trauma Touch Therapy™ is owned and operated by the Colorado School of Healing Arts. Trauma Touch Therapy™ was developed under the direction of Chris Smith and is offered solely by the school.  All rights reserved.

Grounded Angel

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2011 by Shea Atkin

First off, I want to give a special shoutout to one of my best friends.  http://groundedangel.wordpress.com . Check out her blog, she is AMAZING and a constant source of inspiration for me.  This blog is dedicated to her.

I feel most grounded when I am in the dirt, or in the clouds.  Most of the time I don’t even realized how grounded I am NOT until I experience a renewal of grounding.

Lately I have been feeling kind of lost, because I have gotten away from the daily things that make me, ‘me’.  Being a creation of my Father, I have to be in tune with what His purpose for my life is.  Thankfully, I am not as hard on myself as I used to be.  I can’t tell you how many times I would beat myself up over trivial matters–and in turn, my whole day (or week) would be ruined.  Now, I can take it one day (or one minute) at a time and be perfectly fine with it.  It’s about progress rather than perfection.

Today I went to my friends garden to pull weeds, plant squash and water the produce.  I didn’t realize how much went into creating food until I became a part of the organic solution.  Afterwards, we went to a cute little French bistro and talked about life.  I had THE most amazing time with my friend.  When I came home and put my son down for his nap, I jumped online to catch up with groundedangel’s blog and felt so connected in the process.  I swear, God made this day especially for me.

I’m so grateful for the friends that have been put in my life.  I can’t imagine what life would be without the ones that keep me grounded.  I remember a time, not so long ago, when I felt isolated, alone and misunderstood.  All that changed was my perspective and the desire to not feel that way anymore.  It was time to let go of the old record that played nothing but negativity and say hello to a new way of life that took a little work and a lot of nurturing.  Sure, vulnerability was side effect, but LIFE was the outcome.  Today I live and love and breathe.  I don’t ever want to go back to the way I was before, but I will always remember it, to appreciate where I am today.

Groundedangel and all of my other loves, you are the reason I am who I am.  Keep on ‘being you’.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Peace and Love, ,my dear friends.

Feelings are not Facts

Posted in Present with tags , , , , , , , , on May 2, 2011 by Shea Atkin

Sometimes I forget this.

How easy it is for me to get caught up in the day-to-day routine, only to find myself flailing in insecurity.  When I get ‘too busy’, I tend to slack on the things that keep me sane.  It’s the overlooked and unprioritized things when I default to survival mode–for example– prayer, meditation and being present.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been here.  Only upon taking inventory of why I am feeling this chaos, do I find that the answer is quite simple.  I stopped doing the things to maintain my spiritual condition.  It doesn’t matter how much I accomplished in the past.  All that matters is what I presently do.

Holding onto the notion that I have done my fair share will inevitably lead me back to complacency, which is my own personal Hell.

And I enjoy being in the moment so much!  Once I am here, I am home.  I feel comfortable in my own skip, I stop worrying about what people think of me, I really live–instead of just talking about it.

It is so easy for me to slip into having the day take control of me.  Once I pause and remember what is truly important–I slow down, take a few breaths and get primal–spiritually primal.

Making a conscious decision that I will not settle for a counterfeit version of life.  I want the real thing.

My feelings will always lead me astray–true purpose takes determination.

My feelings will always give me an excuse to not move forward.

My feelings will keep me feeling inferior, and will eat me alive.

Thank God my feelings are not facts.

Rhetorical Domination

Posted in Life, Poetry, Present with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2011 by Shea Atkin

Slipping through the cracks of myself

Hiding behind words that I have conjugated to fit into the persona I have created

Fooling myself and everyone around me–but the joke is on me

Seeking solace in the unknown

A vast canopy surrounds my shattered soul

Depending on restoration–while the process is unbearable

A selfless cry sheepishly lunges out for comfort

Finding myself in the place I thought I could never arrive through all of my attempts

Spontaneous glimpse of healing from the unlikeliest of sources

Slamming the door on what has kept me isolated–

As that door slowly opens back up–a flood of compassion enters into this grieving spirit

Revitalizing what was once something special

It’s not even a restoration at this point–it’s a brand new life

Ready to live instead of preparing for death

Happy to be a part of what I once thought was being stuck in the middle

Reaching out for a hand to hold

All that is required is a willingness to know that I will never have all the answers

Will lay my head on the pillow tonight knowing that control will never bring me peace.