Archive for Blackout Writing

Another Blackout

Posted in Past with tags , , , , , , on October 28, 2010 by Shea Atkin

I have many different notebooks for different styles of writing.

Since I have been sick the past couple of days, I get stir crazy and start organizing–

I found a random journal with just one page of writing, barely legible.

I don’t know when it was written and I have no recollection of writing it–

but it is definitely mine–my handwriting and everything.

Showing me how far down my addiction took me–

And the clarity I was seeking for– in the midst of complete darkness.


“No new thoughts plague every fiber

How long is the wait?

The surface seems too far up–

And underground is where I have been.

Sunlight is too pushy

I sink back.

This is not by choice–

Or is it?

Nothing but scattered nothingness

Filling up the empty holes–

Left vacant for coping mechanisms.

Counterfeit generic is what I have been reduced to

Separation is the only option available to avoid enmeshment.

Walls built for survival–

But for whom?

Fading to the point of false memories–

And making decisions based on misperceptions.

Loving to the point of hatred

Darkness 0nly because

Light is not an option.

I’ll take the alternative–

Because I’m bored.

Unable to find an outlet that fits–

My pieces are always wrong

I received the incorrect puzzle.

Death on the very inside–

So where is there to go from there?

Absolute unworthiness–

But always subject to change

Can’t ever figure out where I really am…

Always feel as an unwelcomed visitor–

In the way–

Nice from a distance–

Where do I belong?

And will I ever be me?” -Shea (Date Unknown)