Archive for psychosis

Insanity

Posted in Past with tags , , , , , , on October 9, 2010 by Shea Atkin

1999- Age 19

“Sanity is seeming to be a gift of the past.

Reality comes in and sets the stage for life

Or is it truly reality?

Our minds make us think it is, but–

It could quite possibly be an illusion

An illusion of things hoped and dreamed for

Or maybe of things left unsaid

Uncertainty takes over and confuses

But somehow puts everything in it’s rightful place.

The things that used to be vital for survival

Are merely 10 cent objects being sold at a yard sale

Material possessions begin to fade and deteriorate

Leaving only a memory of the new and updated version.

People change and so do plans

And do the ones that seem to stay the same

Really stay the same?

Or did our narrow way of thinking cause us to make a false determination?”

Shea

Being 19 was such a frustrating and wonderful year.  Quite bittersweet.

I was in massage school and living on my own.

Not a child–but definitely not an adult.

Rereading all my old stuff ignites those feeling of passion, angst, rage, love and confusion–all over again, and all too familiar.

It keeps me humble, focused and grounded.

How easily I can slip right back into old patterns.

Love

Posted in Past with tags , , , , on October 7, 2010 by Shea Atkin

Seems fitting for a first entry, right?

It’s what I constantly come back to–and the origination of all.

Presently, I am concentrating on using it as a verb, rather than a noun. One of my most vivid memories of love was conveyed in a poem I wrote for my high-school boyfriend. It was actually the first thing I ever had published. The only reason I even knew that it had made it to print is because my Grandpa called me and said that he had read my poem “Unfiltered Love” in the Tallahassee Democrat. He didn’t even know that I wrote. Indulge me as I reminisce:

Unfiltered Love

February 5, 2001

“Hold me.

Hold me close, so that I can’t escape

And that you don’t want me to

Love.

We need to love as though we have never been hurt

Speak to me

Talk to me like I am yourself

The words you can arrange only in your soul,

Let them seep out and penetrate mine.

Treat me like the best friend you had as a child

Carefree and playful

Unaware of the evil that lurks outside of the playground

Don’t just listen to me when I profess my love,

Hear me.

I feel much more that words can express

Listen to my heart,

Not my words

Words are just modifications of an emotion

If one were able to truly speak an emotion,

The intensity would be overwhelming.

Laugh.

Laugh with me at us.

Our relationship would be enough to knock a psychopath to sanity

But the question remains–

Would I change it?

Of course not!

Do not the best of friends stick by each other–

Even when times are hard?

Certain is my love

And filled is my heart with it

Hold me

Love me

Speak to me

Laugh with me

Share these things with me

Not out of necessity

Rather, out of willingness.” -Shea