Rat In A Cage

Today I can really relate to the Smashing Pumpkins lyric : “Despite all my rage , I am still just a rat in a cage.”.  I don’t necessarily have rage, but I do feel like sometimes I am just running and running without and end.  Cognitively, I know the steps to take for serenity to occur, but my fight or flight response gets so high that I default to the adrenaline rush fix.

A few minutes ago, I walked into the backyard with my bare feet to sit in the hammock for a few minutes and listen to the sounds of nature while being aware of my surroundings.  Automatically, I felt the desire to write about it, so I cut my meditation/prayer time short so I could come into Crystal’s room and type out what I was feeling.  I wish my computer was not stolen when we were robbed.  My blog time has severely been cut short.  Plus, it’s not often that I am the only one at my residence.

I love my job, my family and friends, my passion and drive.  However, I tend to prioritize inefficiently.  Sitting here in the silence, I am reminded that if I am not working on myself being whole–I will never be whole for anybody else.  So when I wake up in the morning, I have to do the things (especially the little things), to set the stage for the rest of my waking time.  These things are what keep me sane and restore my awareness of God and Creation.  Otherwise, I’m just running in circles like I used to.

I’m thankful for my natural gifts and I want to use them to the best of my ability.  I don’t want to just be a rat in a cage–especially the overwhelming anxiety that accompanies that feeling.  Today I will rest my mind and my body, and not worry about all of the things that need to get done.  I’ll shut off my phone for a designated time and concentrate on the things that are most important.  Most of the stuff I strive so hard for, I can’t take with me when I die anyway.  So why?

Today I will be aware and present.  Kind and compassionate.  Loving and thoughtful.  All things that do not come naturally to me, but are extremely rewarding and satisfying.  I’m headed back to my hammock now.

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One Response to “Rat In A Cage”

  1. You rest easy—and know that you are the farthest thing from “a rat in a cage.” xoxoxoxo

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