Perception

It’s everything and nothing, all at the same time. Whatever that means.

Recently I have gone through a series of dramatic occurences that leave me scratching my head.  I have more questions than answers.  Tonight I realize that is ok.  As I look at stuff from an objective viewpoint, I start to grasp the true definition of perception, which is:

The act or faculty of apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind; cognition; understanding.  www.dictionary.com

I’m struck by the word ‘act’.  Knowing doesn’t get me anywhere without action.  I have tons of intentions that end up nowhere.  Action is the only way to truly be fully aware of perception and it’s role in my life.  Over the past month, I have asked ‘why’ about a million times.  As the days go on, I find that timing is everything.  These situations were not ‘bad’ or ‘good’–they just, were.  I guess if I really knew the big picture, I would try to rush things.  But reality is, all I have to do is live.  One day at a time.  That’s it.  It’s hard for me because I like to make things happen.  I want to force whatever I perceive to be ‘right’ into the equation.  This inevitably leads to a big, fat mess.  I can’t even tell you how many times I have to relive and relearn this lesson.

I heard a quote today that resonated– “When emotion and intellect are in a battle, emotion usually wins.”  This rings true more often than not, for me.  That 18 inches between my head and my heart try to meet, but usually one dominates.  Theoretically I can calculate what to do in a given situation, but throw my crazy emotions into the equation and I wind up a basketcase.  This leads me to the understanding that I need to work certain steps to ensure that ‘Crazy Shea’ doesn’t break onto the scene once times get tough. And I learn.  And I learn.

I only have the tools to change the crazy in me, not in you.  I can only affect my perception and not impose it on others.  For most of my life, I have tried to fix situations so everything runs smoothly.  This results in huge resentments on my part since I can’t control anything.  Now that I am finally just staying on my side of the street (for the most part), the ‘crazy’ has lessened and life doesn’t feel so piercingly loud and chaotic.  The perception shift is dynamically profound and produces a calm I have never known.  For once, life is as it should be, in this moment.  Nothing more, nothing less.

 

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4 Responses to “Perception”

  1. Your coping skills are pretty awesome, Shea, although hard-won after much struggle. You inspire me to live better and to seek my own sense of calm. Thank you.

  2. Quote: “I only have the tools to change the crazy in me, not in you. I can only affect my perception and not impose it on others. For most of my life, I have tried to fix situations so everything runs smoothly. This results in huge resentments on my part since I can’t control anything.”

    I am having an immensely hard time with this right now. I want so badly to shake the crazy out of someone especially since I am so close to them. It makes me feel sick to be at odds with them, but there’s nothing I can seem to do about it. Now their crazy is driving me crazy – know what I mean?? I wish I was better at standing firmly on my side of the street – in love and in truth.

    • It is a hard, HARD lesson to learn. The only way I have learned is from my MANY mistakes. I finally had enough of the ‘crazy’ and decided to do something about it. The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing and expecting a different result”. The change is painful, but well worth it.

      I’m always here for you. Let me know if you need a sounding board. We are all in this together.

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