Being Healthy and Wanting to Be Healthy are two different things.

Right?

I mean, seriously.  If I were to put into practice the knowledge that is in my head about health, nutrition and fitness–I would be a size 2.  But obviously that is not the case.  So where is the disconnect?

I have had weight/body image issues for as long as I can remember.  In high school I went through a spurt of anorexia, but was short lived because I passed out while I was driving.  That was enough to scare me back into eating again.  Over the years, I have pondered psychological explanations, spiritual, emotional and so on.  But none of them ever seemed to actually stick.  I have tried numerous diets, extreme workout routines–you name it, I’ve tried it.

I know that the amount of calories I put into my body adds weight.  Anybody can tell you that.  I also know that you have to work off more calories than you take in to burn fat.  Got it.  The real issue lies in the will to do it.  I look at pictures of myself and I know that I don’t want to look like this, but when will it be enough to actually stick with a regimen?  I’m thriving in other areas of my life, and I’m quite proud of the progress–yet I look at my outside self and it is definitely not an accurate representation of what is going on inside.  I’m ready for them to match.

I’m not looking for advice or affirmations.  I’m looking for the strength to stick with what I know is my next step in the journey of life.  I want to be able to run and play with my kid with no inhibitions.  I want to go to the beach and not worry about what I look like in a bathing suit.  I want to walk confidently into any room and not wonder if someone is talking about how big I am.  I want to be the real me, that I was created to be.  Is that too much to ask for?  I think not.  This extra baby weight that I have been carrying around for 2 years feels like armor.  It’s like a big shell that is ready to shed.  I really hope that this year, I can get rid of it (and the root of it) for good.

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5 Responses to “Being Healthy and Wanting to Be Healthy are two different things.”

  1. You can and you will–once you understand why the weight’s there, it starts to come off (in my experience). You will feel so much better soon, although, extra weight or not, you are strikingly beautiful (inside and out).

  2. The weight will come off once you do it for yourself instead of others and when you stop obsessing about it! I have learned when I obsess about losing weight I gain weight! You are gorgeous now all you have to do is believe it!

    • Oh Tovah, you have been telling me this for over a decade, my love! It’s true. I have totally gained since I broke my arm 3 months ago which has made me extremely self conscious. Thanks for always being so blunt and honest with me over the years. You are my rock and I love you more than I could ever express:)

  3. Yes they are two different things, but more importantly the path you take to achieve both is very similar. Eating healthy is a good start … forgot about calories and carbs … just eat healthy and exercise.

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