Fractal Rants

My Beautiful Chaos–

This is the first time in the attempt to get thoughts out of my head as they come without a filter…here it goes:

“Idiosyncratic anomalies contrived solely existence aficionado helpless amongst slavery
torched alone silently
freedom repressed
longing for survival and melancholy morbid reflections
longing for intimacy striving for success
reaching for consistency in love and pain
searing memories distorted
ambivalent loneliness
autonomic nervous system
alone in my head
help on it’s way–never quick enough
love/leaning
alive/dead synonymous inside my physically
oxymoron present currently
jealousy=death
sickness=toxicity
head knowledge not the same as heart knowledge
equivalent to the distance of 18 inches freedom from self
freedom to be myself
the puzzle piece finally fits
voices quieting by talking
secrets diminishing
soul at peace yet still alive
assumed death was the only solace
complacent thoughts activated
the journey has begun
life underway
getting a head-start on living in the moment
accountability restored
trust reconciliation
spirit quenched–life awakened–breathe,it’s okay
think only with heart–head does too much, which inevitably equates to filtered truth
the endless pursuit of humility–finding God forever–in turn forever finding self
appreciation, gratitude, fire and love culminating from within
performing for no one other than Him who created me
to love with the way He envisioned
making Him happy–makes me happy
to see Him smile is my ultimate reward
searching constantly and always changing
molding but pliable
useful, hopefully
unwavering only with your guidance
praying for consistency
in love with the idea of peace
theorizing the future
excited about new possibilities
cerebral reconciliation–heart in check–soul at peace.” -Shea 2010

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