The Dark Days

Seeing the content that I have currently posted to this new blog site makes me want to explain a few things.

I am very much aware of the fact that much of my past is very much a “morbid reflection”.

But, I have come to the conclusion that the light I experience now, is in direct relation to the darkness I went through in the past.

I was trapped in a world of illusions.

I hid my true despair and heart from my church friends–

and at the same time, I hid my faith from my agnostic and atheist friends.

Keeping up the lie that I could mix with everybody without causing controversy–I forgot who I was as a creation.

I would role play and mimic understanding, without having the slightest clue of what I believed.

All the while, wondering why I felt so isolated and alone–

and why no one understood me?

How could they?

I was living the ultimate lie–

Living for approval.

Performance based,

Attention seeking,

Approval.

Presently, I choose to be fearless in my pursuit of truth (whatever that may be).

I might offend or inspire–

but either way, it is from the heart.

And that is all I choose to convey.

“The Dark Days” are the reason I am here today with the purpose I have.

I don’t forget them, but I definitely am not a victim of them either.

That darkness is the reason I know what light is.

And I am forever grateful for both.

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2 Responses to “The Dark Days”

  1. Kathleen Palmer Says:

    Shea, I am continually amazed at your postings. I only wish I could write my feelings down as eloquently as you do. You have been through so much and believe me, it is very helpful to many, including myself. So many of us have been abused and live with dark secrets everyday wondering how we will get through to the next. Your story is inspiring and honest and I just wanted you to know how much I admire you for what you are doing. Love you friend.

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